Stopping the pregabalin because it makes me feel dumb + It doesn't have any anxiety relief/mood lift. Back on phenibut tomorrow. I've never actually tried regular "GABA" that can be bought at the health food store so I'll try that.

GABA – Nootropics Expert

I think I have high blood pressure. There's so many heart symptoms that I've just lost track. I don't remember much of anything this year.

I'll try and get out more. I'm so awkward because of social anxiety and I'm confused about myself and everything. I constantly have an impending sense of doom, stress, derealized thoughts, self-doubt, etc.

I've lost what it means to stay positive. I keep getting irritated by my mom - She's just trying to help but I can't control this. I listen to what strangers on the internet say rather than my own family. I was told that I have no personality and that I'm not smart enough to be enlightened (I was just making a joke but people just love to put me down).

I wish there was a place that isn't either overly comforting (To the point where I'm an outcast) or just plain evil (Same thing, outcast). And my dad talks saying "You're not crazy, I am" - And he is.. But schizophrenia has nothing to do with being "crazy". My dad helps in his own way (Not aware of psychiatry)... But everything is too much.

I said that I was afraid to die and he said that life goes on. I was anxious, on weed (I regret smoking it), felt blood rush away from my arms and head and I had to leave. I feel like everything is a stressful dream - Like I'm inside of a meat grinder - constantly.. all day, all night.

Working that extra day at work is too much for me as well cuz I'm not sure when I'm supposed to leave (12pm-2pm) - It messes with my dopamine so I just leave when I want without telling them - And then I feel bad about that.