There are ton of women abusers so I don’t think it’s necessarily only men. If you are attracted to a particular kind of men then sure it feels every man is that way. Not the case at all.
It’s not always easy to recognize red flags. But if you go for certain kind of guys, it’s because we gravitate towards familiar even if it’s unhealthy. If you grew up surrounded by drama and abuse, you subconsciously gravitate towards that in your relationships
Have you tried therapy? Good therapist can really help