NP, that sounds so hard and I'm really sorry you're going through it. I do think P is having some issues on his life, like burnout or feeling anxious about his ability as a therapist or the effects of whatever is causing his career change in the first place. I absolutely don't think it's your fault or that you are somehow a problem. I recognize a lot of what you're saying as what my brain does to me too when trauma stuff is really activated,. And it makes a lot of sense for that to be happening right now given the anniversary and everything you've been dealing with in terms of your health and feeling alone. I hope things start to feel more stable and even just a tiny bit more hopeful soon.