Sadly some men and women are just mean jerks. I’d focus on what made you stick around even though he mistreated you from early on. And I’d work on yourself how to be more proactive if you ever come across such a man again (which is entirely possible given your history) and how to get yourself and the kids safe and healthy in the future

I’d not continue wasting precious time on diagnosing (or possibly misdiagnosing) him or anyone else and agonizing over real or perceived symptoms or potential illnesses and diseases of other people that might not be real (and are often wrong). It keeps focus on him and keeps you in a victimhood.

You can never know with 100% certainty why people do what they do. It’s important to remember bad things he did as it keeps you real but don’t waste your life on analyzing others. It’s way more productive to analyze yourself as it leads to improvement

You are a strong, educated, independent, insightful woman, a mother. You can handle what comes your way. Do not accept the role of a victim (I know you don’t, just warning you against it as it’s tempting to assume a passive role).

Focus on improving your life. Even decluttering and cleaning up your house is a productive empowering task. Also with potential necessity of selling the house start minor improvements (if it’s reasonable). Some things are inexpensive like painting the walls

Hope you are going to talk to a lawyer soon. Hope your kids are doing well