I did this by taking olanzepine, less than 0.5mg of alprazolam and 45mg of Dexedrine. I fell asleep for the whole evening and night. I fell asleep all evening and night the day before as well.

I sleep so damn much. It helps.. I just don't get it.

If you really want to calm down a hyper/anxious kid, give them a bunch of dexedrine and benzos. It works.

I try to give a little more meaning to things, that they're good.. But always, people are much more advanced than me. They know what is good - And what's bad. I'm not very black and white - But I can dissociate away from anything that I say, or feel.. think.. do... I have good morals..

I choose to identify with what I think etc.. But it's not as sticky as the average person. That's why I have a persona that can be super happy, created - To get away from my pain.

I'm just identifying too much about with what is bad (And hey, everyone is the same.. They do the same thing - That's why advice works. People need to hear someone else say something, that validates their self-worth.. love, etc..).

But I can't do it anymore. I know too much, ignorance.. And what ever else is in Buddhism - Desire? the third one..

Three poisons - Wikipedia

These explain the thing.

I'm all over the place. I need grounding. It's worse than before, in the basement.. Because my mom/family is actually paying attention - To what I'm seeing (Because of social media etc, news, what has happened - Pandemic). Everyone is more alert. And very spiritual/aware people have been like this throughout history, no matter what has gone on in the world. And also, people are still ignorant etc, running in circles, homeless, addicts.. Despair.

Am in despair? Will things turn out for the better.. All you can do is hope.. Nothing is guaranteed.