I’m having fewer anxiety dreams regarding the separation. However, I'm not sleeping very well at all.

Eventful past couple of weeks.

A draft 'Minute of Agreement' arrived from V*****'s solicitor on the 7th whilst I was still sick with Covid.
This document precedes a formal divorce application, setting out financial and child welfare arrangements.

Took a few reads before I was able to comprehend the implications of what I was being asked to agree to.

The general idea is for a clean break. Each of us leaves with what we entered the relationship with.
Neither party makes claims on the property or finances of the other.

What caught my attention, and initially concerned me, were the proposals for child maintenance payments.

I was asked to agree to an amount which I had been clear with V***** wasn’t sustainable.

The agreement also gave V***** the right to increase payments (inline with inflation) annually at her discretion.

Provision is made for amending payments in the event of ‘material change in financial circumstances’ by agreement, then through the courts should no agreement be reached.

The MoA initially made me sad.
The formal tone and finality of it all just wasn’t what I wanted to deal with.
After my holiday with the two girls, though, (we went to the Scottish coast) I felt more prepared.

However, I was uneasy with it.
It took a few days to realise why.

No provision is suggested to protect me in the event of, say, loss of income.


Once the MoA is signed one is bound by the terms within it. Making subsequent changes can only be done by agreement or via the courts.

Yes we could negotiate a new figure, but what if our relationship breaks down completely?
What if bitterness enters into it.

The only other option is to go through the courts - more solicitors, more BS, more money.

For this reason they suggest getting the help of a solicitor to understand the legal terms of the MoA and implications. But I can’t afford one.

I made a few enquiries here and there.
Am I compelled to sign even if not in agreement?
Is there an alternative?
The answers are No and Yes.

I looked into the Child Maintenance Service.
They make a formal assessment based on income then offer a suggestion with regard to how much should be paid.
This may either be used as a starting point for negotiation between parties, or formally set as the monthly maintenance figure.
Importantly they automatically adjust the figure up or down based on personal circumstances.

This seemed a much less risky option for me. I decided to pursue this instead.
I wondered how V***** would react.