Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Sadly some men and women are just mean jerks. I’d focus on what made you stick around even though he mistreated you from early on. And I’d work on yourself how to be more proactive if you ever come across such a man again (which is entirely possible given your history) and how to get yourself and the kids safe and healthy in the future
I’d not continue wasting precious time on diagnosing (or possibly misdiagnosing) him or anyone else and agonizing over real or perceived symptoms or potential illnesses and diseases of other people that might not be real (and are often wrong). It keeps focus on him and keeps you in a victimhood.
You can never know with 100% certainty why people do what they do. It’s important to remember bad things he did as it keeps you real but don’t waste your life on analyzing others. It’s way more productive to analyze yourself as it leads to improvement
You are a strong, educated, independent, insightful woman, a mother. You can handle what comes your way. Do not accept the role of a victim (I know you don’t, just warning you against it as it’s tempting to assume a passive role).
Focus on improving your life. Even decluttering and cleaning up your house is a productive empowering task. Also with potential necessity of selling the house start minor improvements (if it’s reasonable). Some things are inexpensive like painting the walls
Hope you are going to talk to a lawyer soon. Hope your kids are doing well
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Thank you divine. I’m putting much effort into improving our lives. We’re enjoying our time together as we’re trying to heal from the chaos.
As I was doing some hard neglected yard work today, I got a little grumpy as I became more and more exhausted. I had a momentary temptation to be passive, to think I can’t do it, to feel really sorry for myself, but I just kept going, and accepted it was phase one of a large task I will be working on for some time. I finished phase one, and before I knew it, I pushed onto another difficult task and kept at it until my hands cramped from over exertion. After all that I thought certainly I’m done, but then did laundry, dishes, reorganizing, etc. I just can’t let things rest in this state of neglect as they have been for a year.
I’m setting up what makes me and child happy and what supports the lifestyle we want.
I had three new drinking glasses in my cart yesterday, but took a pause, and put one back.
I have stalled out emotionally on filing for divorce. Divorce is not something I ever wanted, so it’s not something I’m running towards.
I have been separating everything. He hasn’t paid me anything yet, says he will this Friday. That will be one month mark of him being gone. I really hope he comes through. I’m still trying to remember he’s not coming back, or if he does, it’d be because it didn’t work out there. I imagined him coming back as his Hyde self. But, that’s a fantasy, and we are different trajectories.
I am in danger of not letting him go. You pose the question i must answer. Why did I stick around even when mistreated? I had a lot of reasons but none of them are the answer.