I'm really sorry about all of this. What an awful, gut-wrenching experience. A betrayal, in some ways, and I'm sorry it's been difficult to find solid ground again. From my armchair psychologist position, I think one path forward -- if you choose to keep going with therapy -- would be to find somebody who can help you process the intense, shocking loss of the situation. How to function, how to make sense of things. Basically grief counseling. Then gradually you can make more connections to the deeper layers. Really, anybody worth doing this work with will know about the re-enactment of childhood pain without you saying a word, based on the connection you had with her and the loss you feel.

I started to see a second therapist after a somewhat retraumatizing situation with my therapist, although nothing even closer to this scale of pain, and it's been helpful that she has been fairly neutral. A new T would likely want to validate how not okay your therapist's behavior has been, but maybe you can cut that off before it starts so you can have space to make sense of the narrative yourself. It's not going to be easy, but I hope you can find a way to move forward from how gutted you must feel right now.