On top of the anemia, I'm developing a heart problem. Severe anemia puts a strain on the heart, which tries to pump harder and faster. I've always had an abnormally fast heart. Recent ECGs are showing another abnormality - in the wave pattern. It's a sign of an overworked heart, from what I've read. My PCP has set me up to get an echo cardiogram.

I know by how weak I am and by how my heart races when I stand and walk that I need medical attention. My heart pounds in my chest just walking out to the kitchen. I'm afraid to try and get into the shower, which I really need to do. The hot weather also puts more workload on the heart.

So I'm thinking everything over. I'm in a good size city. There are some other hospitals. Fragmenting my care like that seems like a bad idea. The big hospital I use has a satellite hospital one town west of where I live. It's small though - 85 beds. They might ship me back to the main hospital.

The thought of going back to that main hospital just demoralizes me. It's a busy place. I could end up sitting for hours in the waiting room, which tends to be on the dirty side. It's close to downtown, so a lot of homeless seek care there. Some are pretty disturbed. I'll be stuck in a wheel chair because I can't walk more than a few yards. I could pick up COVID. I'll get bruised and butchered by people trying to get my blood because they're not very good at doing that. I'll get tortured by nurses trying to start an I/V. They'll complain I'm "a hard stick." I'll probably get admitted. Then I'll miss out on the out-patient treatment I was supposed to get tomorrow.

It seems a lot better to just stay in bed at home.

In a big hospital, there are all kind of people working there. Some are dedicated and caring. Then some are stinkers. I'm just too unwell to have to deal with them. When you don't have a spouse or other family there with you, you don't have a witness.