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Way back when in grad school I wrote an essay I titled "Grief is a B@st@rd" Wish I'd kept a copy cuz that'sthat's the way I'm feeling.
I decided what I'm feeling is grief, not depression. Am down and teary, but it doesn't feel like depression. Does that make sense?
Losing Boomer last week hit me harder than I expected. We didn't have a relationship for most of his life because he lived under the bed. Then a few years ago he had to have surgery and I had to medicate him every day. He turned into an absolute snuggle bear. Sat with me on the sofa and slept with me at night. I didn't realize how close we got.
His death ripped off the scab of every loss I've had. Stuffing everything down and trying to ignore it the last year made things worse. Yeah, I know stuffing is not healthy. Knew it at the time, but still did it. Felt like I just couldn't deal with it at the time. I foolishly told myself one day of self care was enough. Yeah, I know LOL!
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