Hi All,

So I started talking about this on the couch but then I thought I would post it in it's own post.

Today I have these feelings of wanting my T. Not in a romantic way or anything. Just wanting to talk to her, wanting to see her (on Zoom--we don't meet in person), wanting to hear her voice, just wanting her. Wanting that connection, that closeness, that particular brand of comfort that only she can bring.

Of course, I was fighting these feelings because wants are bad, right?!! At least, that is what I was taught. But I realized that there are some positives in the wanting. It means that I am trusting her. That I believe she is trustworthy. That she is safe. That she is comforting. It's a deepening of our relationship. This is a positive thing.

I took an interesting step and texted her and tried to communicate this *want* to her. I don't know that I did a good job. I think I am doing a better job here, but I am not so limited in space. It's weird to tell my T stuff like, "I am wanting to talk to you today," and "I am finding comfort in knowing that we will talk tomorrow."

It is strange to think of myself as a person with wants. Because wanting "stuff" emotional or otherwise was always frowned upon when I was a child. So it's hard to allow myself space for that. To acknowledge that all people have wants and needs and that it is perfectly okay...well I'm trying to get to that step. Because of course, it doesn't feel okay.

I'm not even in crisis at this moment, so I don't know what is driving these feelings of want. It's baffling.

Anyone relate?