It is difficult to 'learn' - and sometimes even accept - that it is okay to have wants and needs and that these should have been valued and respected by our caregivers. And more so, to have been supported in achieving these wants/needs.

Unfortunately, growing up in environments where there was no secure attachment or modeling, we think we need to go it alone or that needs/wants are 'wrong' or that we need to be desperate before 'indulging' in such feelings and so on.

It does seem that you feel safe enough with her and are learning that it is okay to have wants and you do not have to be in crisis to express these. I would go further to say that expressing wants/needs when *not* in crisis may serve as a protective factor to warding off potential crises. I also personally believe that vulnerability shows strength, so it was brave of you to say it to T.