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It can be an issue even when you do set boundaries before marriage....but I wasn't about to back down & used whatever threats were necessary to insure the agreement made before we got married.
I was finishing my Accounting & computer science degree & I had determined out of high school that I would NEVER be dependent on a man if I got married, the way my mom was & I also never wanted to be known as just someone's wife, I wanted to be me & known for who & what I was.
Was getting married in 1975 & I stated that nothing was getting in the way of my degree or career & if he didn't agree then marriage wouldn't work. He agreed but then did everything possible not to follow through after marriage. Seriously I didn't tolerate any of his crap (probably in hopes we would get divorced). Turned out, many times if he wanted to eat he had to cook for himself & when we had our daughter, he was experienced with babies being the oldest in his family so he got to take most care of our daughter. If issues hadn't become his total financial irresponsibility, I might have continued to tolerate but after 33 years I had enough of the stress he caused. When I left, I asked him a couple of questions. One was why did he get married?....his answer: "cause I graduated with my degree & getting married to who I was dating was what I was supposed to do next". The other question I asked was why did you agree to get married when you really didn't agree with my terms?....his answer: "because I didn't believe you meant what you said & would change your mind".
I basically did my career & he did his & we really didn't ever have a functional marriage.
In my case walking out after 33 years was the best thing because I knew I could be financially responsible & make it on my own. Lol.....11 years after I left, I had legal issues against him & in a discussion he told me he had been sure I would come back to him after 2 years but when I didn't he started wondering if he was really the reason I left.
For me, financial issues were the biggest issue of all & he destroyed the marriage with his financial irresponsibility & I think the T we were seeing summed him up the best, that at 54, he had the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. Kinda hard to have a marriage with someone like that
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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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