Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
It's okay if her response didn't hit the right spot. And you can tell her that without dismissing her efforts. Part of what I learned from L is that not only are big wants, needs, and feelings are okay, but so is asking for them. And I'm still learning how to be more specific. For example: lately I've been wanting soothing. I thought I was being pretty descriptive until L let me know that "soothing" doesn't actually give a specific need... Oye! So were working on what need needs to be met for me to feel soothed. It's a process, but a good process. The more you can practice with your T, the better you'll be able to get your needs met from others as well.
I know it's scary working with feelings (and wants and needs) at first. Well, it's still scary for me. But overtime it is getting easier. I'm trusting L more and more and am learning that she can accept "all my multitudes".
You're doing great, Kit. This is where some major healing can happen. It's not easy, but the reward is that some of your wants and needs will finally be met.
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I agree that it can be good to tell her if the response wasn't what you were looking for. It can help with future responses. I've found it's helpful to be specific with my T if emailing, too. Like I might say, "I could use some words of support right now" if I just want, well, support, or "Any suggestions on how to handle this?" if I want more practical advice about something.
And you make a good point how if you work on asking for what you need from T, it can help you get your needs met in your outside life, too.
I find it can also be helpful to say you want something while admitting you know you can't get it. Like saying to your T "I really wish I could talk to you right now, but I know I can't." Which is basically what you did, Kit, in saying you're taking comfort in talking to her tomorrow. As then it doesn't sound like you're hoping she can call you that night, say.