Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
Hmm.. it's hard to say, really, but I'm guessing your feelings for Anna have a lot to do with being bullied and rejected in the past and the fact that you've never had a relationship. You found someone you wanted a friendship with, established a friendship with, and you want emotional intimacy because you've never had that before. I think it all makes perfect sense. You may have a girl crush, so to speak, but not a bisexual one. You may just be experiencing what it's like to feel closer to someone, what it's like to have a friendship with someone, and what it's like to feel some amount of emotional intimacy - and you like all of those things. I don't think it's anything to worry about except to be aware of some boundaries with Anna. She may not feel all the same things that you feel, so you don't want to smother her. And I think your fear of losing her as a friend makes sense too., based on being bullied and rejected in the past.
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Have Hope, thank you for your kind response. You may have a point (or more) there... You’ve got me thinking and I may have discovered one reason why she's so special to me. Anna's friendship is the first and only one so far, I truly had to work for. It took a lot of time and patience, paying close attention, looking for any kind of signals / expressions and interpreting them... thinking and learning about how to clearly communicate despite any differences there might be. Maybe that's also the reason I'm getting so jealous if I'm under the impression that she's also sharing things with others. I strived and am striving for her and for time with her - why should others who are just acting nice get anything similar? Plus, even more important, I want to protect her from people who don’t wish her well – I know I obviously can’t, I can only support her, I don’t fight her fights for her.
I mean, I do have friends – even a best one – but these friendships just happened, so to speak. I honestly like and appreciate my friends, they are important to me… (same with my colleagues)… but we kind of just found each other, you know what I mean? Neither they nor me had to try so hard – we just met, got to know each other step by step and realised that we’re compatible and fond of each other… which was very nice and still is.