Quote:
Originally Posted by CANDC
@VivaldisSeasons the thing that makes me think it is more than just a work friendship is when you seem to be jealous of boyfriend going out with Anna. That sounds like a crush or a yearning to have a close relationship with a woman.
It is interesting for me to look back at my relationship with my mother and compare that to the types of relationships I have with women now. Have you tried journaling about this and see if you can uncover your expectations?
If you do not sleep well one night that is inconvenient. If you do not sleep well every night that is a possible symptom of a challenge in your life that may need the attention of a professional.
What other types of people are you close to that you can talk to (IE boyfriend, girl buddy, family, friends, acquaintances? I see a yellow flag with how you are kind of obsessed with Anna and it does not seem she feels the same way about you from the little you say about her. Thinking about this could lead to some insights which might help you move toward a friendship with Anna without the huge expectations that seem to well up and keep you awake.
For me I make a list of what I am missing in life and how I might possibly fulfill those in ways that would not compromise other relationships, my expectations and teammate rapport @CANDC
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CANDC, by now I think it's not really about wanting to date her, but about spending time with her, simply being with her. I’m not 100% sure, but I think I envy her boyfriend, because he gets to know her – personally, emotionally – he gets to know her joys, her worries, her thoughts. I’m assuming he must be very special if the thought of him alone makes her smile. It may sound stupid, but apart from the fact that I enjoy her company, I guess I’d like to feel that special. As I mentioned in my thread she doesn’t seem to be that interested in other people’s lives – I’d like her to be interested in mine as I am in hers. I’d like to have her trust as she has mine. As "Have Hope" made me realize, one big difference between my friends (and other colleagues) and her is the effort I put into building that relationship. I know it was worth it – we came so far, and I just want it to continue. Does that make any sense? I tried to explain different issues / things also in my replies to “Have Hope” and “Rive.”, maybe this will create a better picture of my situation… I’m still trying to put the pieces together.
My mom and me have a very close relationship and I’m sure I could also talk to my best friend about this… I just don’t want to be a burden; they have their own problems. (Although they do know that sometimes things aren’t that easy for me.) Plus, it’s hard for me to talk about this – I feel embarrassed, I feel ashamed, I feel ridiculous. English isn’t even my first language; I just can express myself better that way. It’s easier for me to talk to people with maybe even similar experiences / problems anonymously. That said, you have no idea how good it feels to get all of this off my chest – it’s been weighing me down for so long and now I have finally found a way how I can talk about this freely – thanks to everyone who’s commented on this thread.
I think my main problem is that I’m still suffering from what was done to me in school. Even though I had a great therapist helping me, I never managed to move on… I seem to be incapable of leaving the past behind me, as I explained to “Rive.” in my reply.
(Please don’t take me sending you to other replies as laziness or as me being not interested in this conversation. Writing all this down is just really exhausting for me. But thank you so much for listening – very much appreciated.)