Well, this is new. You haven't replied to the email I sent yesterday afternoon. I haven't emailed for months and months, but when I did email before, you were quite good at replying. I wonder what's going on there... I wonder whether you are 'put out' by my anger. Or are you unsure about my questioning whether or not you are as lost as me with it all. Are you as close to giving up as I am? Or are you just busy? I guess I'll find out next week, maybe.

Oh, and the strangest thing happened. I went to a workshop tonight, with someone I know. Well, someone I am getting to know. Only me and her there, and we were talking about teenagers, and them going off the rails. I told her about me going off the rails, all the drugs and the running away and stuff. She asked a simple question - why? And I said it was complicated. That's the normal response. But my mouth didn't stop there. I told her. I told her in the briefest of ways what had happened. Wow. That's the first time it's ever come out in a 'normal conversation'. With anyone. How bizarre. I was sweating though, and going red, and very uncomfortable. But I said the words.

Do you know what I'm sat here now thinking? But she doesn't know the full story, and now she never will because my one opportunity, the only one you ever get, has been used up (absolutely no idea where that 'belief' comes from and could probably do with exploring that!!)