I wish there was a cure for DID & OSDD and whatever else is like it. My main problem isn't memory loss from an alter pushing out because that doesn't happen too often. My problem is changing into different people through out the day and then every 4 or so months changing into a completely different person, all of a sudden. It's a horrible feeling not knowing who you are. I can never finish long term projects and goals. It's a life of spinning your wheels going nowhere.

Past week was a huge change. Suddenly became a very depressed and tired person sleeping night and day not interested in anything, hating the project I'm working on. Why is the brain like that? Or is it something else? I think of all kinds of crazy explanations from ETs to ghosts messing with me.

The worst part is I think it's even impossible for me to end myself. Every time I come so close to doing it I change into another person and sometimes end up in the psych ward which to be honest isn't such a bad place for me. At least the one I went to, the Del Amo Behavioral Health System. Foods is good, you get a small but nice bedbroom although shared with 4 to 5 people. Shower and bathroom are bad because it's just a drape and when taking a shower anyone can walk in the bathroom. I liked pacing back and forth in the long hallways. Every 15 or so minutes someone would scream or be arguing, sometimes fighting but you get used to it. Every day it was nice they let you out into the big grassy play area where people kick or throw balls to each other or lay in the grass. And they have lot of classes in the tv eating room. The nurses wondering around and doing room bedroom checks every 15 minutes at night were usually very nice people. You can't leave the psych ward until the psychiatrist says so.


Often I wonder what it would be like to live in a permanent psych ward like the ones in the movie one flew over the cuckoo's nest. At least you don't have worry about outside world. Has anyone ever lived at one?