Also, I don't WANT to feel the way I feel or have the attitude that I have. I have in my head that they want me to leave and just quit, BECAUSE they're keeping me at a lower level. I also have in my head that because my boss had written such a negative review of me in my 45-day review, that they were trying to set it up to fire me. When you feel this way, and when there's no other communication saying otherwise, you start to feel more negative - it's only natural.

I finally cracked yesterday after coming up with 210 articles for one client - it took me one full hour to come up with only 2 additional article ideas, and they require 30 per month. At that rate, it would have taken me 15 hours to come up with only 30 articles. Not very effective or efficient use of my time. So, I spoke up to the person supervising my work at the moment and told him that for this client, it's becoming particularly more and more challenging, even with the use of specific software tools to help me in my task. I told him how long it took me to devise just 2 more ideas, and he told me that I don't have to keep going for this client. Thank goodness. But this morning, I was wondering if there was a way I could have kept going. Maybe I got too frustrated and gave up too quickly. Maybe there was another way around what I was doing to quicken my pace. I do not know. But this morning, those were my thoughts.

I wish it wasn't this way, and I wish I could feel more positive and be more positive. But it feels impossible to achieve at this point.