After 11 years of being with my wife (9yrs married) she has decided she wants to leave because she doesn't love me anymore. Tells me I have been nothing but good in the relationship and I've always been good to her. Says we grew apart and she fell out of love with me. Says she has always struggled to love me through most of the relationship. I feel so blindsided by all of this.

Though I was shocked, I knew things hadn't felt the same for awhile now. She has always struggled with love and affection. Cuddling, hand holding, hugs, kisses, and sex were always a struggle for her. I am a very affectionate person and for years I have been trying to work with her to figure out how we can make the marriage work so both our needs were met. Was always so difficult to get her to open up about her feelings and talk to me. She said she has been working on her feelings for me for years but within her own mind. She never told me how she was feeling so we never had a chance to work on it together. We had many talks (mostly me explaining my feelings and needs) about the marriage and she would never open up and could never work on the marriage.

She told me this 1 week after our 9th wedding anniversary after we got back from a long vacation to Tennessee and Florida. When we got back she was very distant and wouldn't talk to me. I knew something was wrong and she wouldn't tell me. Finally after continually pestering her about it she opened up and told me how she was feeling and she wanted to leave. Said it isn't fair to either one of us to be in this relationship where my needs aren't being met and she can't love me. So we are separating.

It started out calm and civil but the longer it goes the worse the situation gets. We were trying to live together at first but my emotions and feelings got in the way. She moved on rather quick because she doesn't love me anymore but I still love her a lot. She would leave the house and not tell me where she was going or with who. So I couldn't sleep at night. She was living her life like normal and I was having a hard time dealing with it because she was leaving me out of her life and I couldn't handle it. I was constantly asking her questions and trying to analyze every detail of the relationship and trying to get answers to all the questions. She has been looking for a place but hasn't found anything yet. Since we were starting to argue a lot by living together, I tried to talk her into moving out with her mom (who said she was welcome there anytime) but she refused. Several times I tried to have a conversation about her moving out so we could stop fighting and I could move on and heal but she wouldn't. Told me I should leave until she finds a place since I'm the one who is struggling with being there while she is there. So I ended up moving in with my parents for my own health since I hadn't slept in 4 days. So that is where I am at.

This has been going on since June 6th and she is still living in the house and not found a place yet. I am ready to go back home because living with parents isn't working out well anymore. She says she is looking for a place but hasn't found anything. We are doing a dissolution and she isn't fighting me for the house or anything. She is on the title of the house and is refusing to sign the papers to transfer her interest of the house to me until she finds her own place. I am so lost, confused, and in so much pain over all of this. I want to move on and finalize everything but I can not do that until she leaves the house. I am so worried she will be there for several more months and I do not want that. She wants us to go no contact but I don't feel like I can when she is still living there. I pay for the house and all of the bills, still mow the lawn, still take care of the place, still have to get my mail so I still have to have contact with her until she leaves. She refuses to tell me if she has looked at any places. Says I am not going to know she found anything until she takes all of her stuff and moves out. Then she will tell me she has moved out. I feel so stuck. I don't have any power or control in this situation and I don't know what to do.

I could really use some advice on how to stay patient through all of this. I know things could be way worse with this separation. I'm on anxiety meds, seeing a therapist, journaling, and trying to focus on me but I don't feel like I can focus on me when nothing has been finalized and I am still connected to her. This week has been extremely hard because my parents came home from a vacation with covid and now I have covid. I had to cancel all my plans including yoga and therapy because of it and I've been stuck inside all week. My thoughts are everywhere and I'm trying to avoid messaging her. Could really use some help and advice on the situation.