Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
But if you go to therapy to re-work old patterns (which I think you do although certainly not everybody does or wants to), then being with a therapist who is very accepting is generally helpful. There is nobody more accepting of you than a good-enough parent.
Signed,
Somebody who spent the evening accepting/thoughtfully responding to much more nonsense from my three-year-old than anybody in the outside world could or should
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That's a good point (and I hear you on the taking nonsense from your child!).
I also feel like Dr. T is doing some key things that my parents didn't do, like, for example, letting me know that you can be irritated with someone, but it doesn't necessarily damage the relationship. In other word, that someone can feel negatively toward you at times, but it's OK. I know I was really upset about that a couple months ago (and I still don't feel some of his methods are the best), but I think some of it is sinking in now.
I suppose the ideal, in terms of a parent, is maybe somewhere in the middle? I don't know. Being very accepting, yet also teaching, in part through example, that some conflict and disagreement are OK (which I didn't get from my parents).
I feel like my parents just hid all the negative emotions. Like I don't recall ever really seeing them have disagreements, let alone arguments or fights. There was no model for that (and I didn't have siblings). My mom gave me the message that I had to be the perfect friend or student or girlfriend or I'd be rejected. And in my few moments of talking back to her in my teen years, she'd start crying (OK, so that was a negative emotion), saying she thought we were close. (So I just postponed my rebellion to college and my early 20s.) So then it felt like a conflict with a friend or a boss or a partner was the end of the world (mostly, I just avoided conflict as best I could for a long time).