Ok, so I screwed up again... Over and over again. I cut pretty bad a few weeks back and they are just now really starting to heal, on my left wrist and my right ankle. Then at the end of last week I cut deep into my left thigh, "I Hate Me"... I honestly do not remember doing this. I remember waking up feeling an extremely burning pain in my leg and I pulled my blanket down and seen my leg. It wasn't cleaned up or anything, so I guess I fell asleep directly after doing it?... Then I went yesterday evening and had my eyebrow pierced, mostly for the pain factor but some for the looks. I was so disappointed, there was absolutely no pain in the piercing and it upset me. I had great relief and pleasure when I had my tongue pierced before and got all 6 of my tattoos, but they all were painful to some extent. Is SI still destructive and wrong if it's through body art and the likes?

Why wont my urges go AWAY?! *sigh* I do everything I'm supposed to do! I take my medications, I go to therapy, I stay in treatment so I don't turn back to drugs, I do everything yet I still can't get the urge to go away and leave me alone! The smallest things trigger it now... Washing the dishes and coming upon the glass plates or cups and knives, I get the urge. Seeing a scratch on someones arm, face, etc, etc, I get the urge. Watching a movie, there comes the urge... I can't get away from it.

Sorry y'all... Just needed to vent.