My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar check-in #68

*Beth* · Jul 29, 2022 at 02:25 PM

Thank you all so much. I feel absolutely blessed to be part of our group.

I realize now that I had been working up to a hypomania for quite a while. By the time I got to DMV and had to deal with being in a small office, packed with people and very noisy, and so freakin' HOT in there. Then all the paperwork, computer forms, more cost than they posted online to renew my license. There was a baby screaming loudly, the entire time I was there. HOURS and the baby did not stop screaming. I get that the mother had to do what she was there for, but that poor baby was obviously not doing well, so I don't know what the mother had in her head. It was screaming non-stop SO loudly. The whole experience just pushed me over the edge, when I had already walked into the place in an unstable state. Plus, my extreme anxiety about taking London to the vet the next day was haunting me.

And the heat. It does look like the temperature will finally drop below 100 next week.

What totally put me over the side of the cliff yesterday was that one of the mods in the feline diabetes group disagreed with me on a protocol and she was condescending, shaming, and told me that she wasn't about to be there for me if I killed my cat.

I went crazy. I do give myself credit for calmly telling her not to communicate with me anymore. So I remained calm and set a healthy boundary. But that was when I took all the Kpin. Then the 988 chat with the dippy girl who told me to restart my computer, after I told her I was in crisis. Unbelievable. btw @Nammu, I so appreciate that you went to the trouble of looking up the 988 info. I just got a dud for a counselor. Hopefully, there are better ones...I'm sure there are.

On top of all that, stupid monkeypox is raging among gay men in San Francisco. It's bringing back the horror, for me, of AIDS back in the 80's when my father lived in San Fran. He was an interior designer, not gay himself, but worked with many gay men. AIDS decimated the gay community in the city, which is a huge community there. That time was absolutely awful, and the memories I have of it are so terribly sad. Maybe I'll make a separate post at some point, because the story is long.

I don't want to glide over my tremendous gratitude for London's excellent vet visit. Yes, he does have asthma, but it's mild and will hopefully stay so.

So today I feel less energized, just depressed and very tired - kickback from taking all that Kpin. I would like to sleep all day, but I'm getting my hair cut. My stylist was so kind, she's driving into town from where she lives just to do my hair. She's awesome, a really cool lady. I have to find the energy to make it through. Hopefully, the Luvox has kicked in some so I don't feel as unstable today.

Even with everything yesterday, I did manage an hour of skating.

Never look directly at the sun, instead look at the sunflower