No. I think all they would do is have a home health agency check in on me. City Senior Affairs would provide some homemaker hours to do a bit of housework.

It is hard for someone living alone with nearest family 2000 miles away. For years my life revolved around caring for my boyfriend who needed total nursing care. I was unable to pursue social connections or try to find and nurture friendships. I don't really matter to anyone. My sisters are caring, but they both are dealing with a lot themselves.

I always knew that, if I lost good health, I'ld have pretty much nothing left. I'm 69, living on a small income. I don't mind the lack of material riches. Materially, I felt I had everything I really needed and then some. I could budget to travel to visit my relatives. I enjoy reading for hours every day. My car is reliable. I could get up and go where I liked. I thought of getting a dog. Now I can't fully care for myself, nevermind a dog.

I'm being very honest about the reality of what I have been living and what I face. It's a lot of emptiness - mainly not being a real member of a family. My boyfriend had 3 adult children. They're far away and never took any interest in me . . . not much more in him either.

My primary wants me to go to a nursing home for 10 days. I wouldn't qualify for that and it wouldn't solve anything. I can sit in a chair at home just as good. At age 17, I started working in nursing homes and continued for decades, eventually as a nurse. I saw how awful it is to not be fully independent. I saw how awful sickness is . . . especially for loners. I saw my boyfriend go thru major surgeries. He was a trooper, but he had me every step of the way. I don't want to be cut up and hobble around afterwards in pain. I don't want needles and I/Vs and a hunk of my insides cut out.

If I do nothing, maybe this sickness will just take me and release my soul.