View Single Post
Favorite Jeans
Grand Poohbah
 
Favorite Jeans's Avatar
Favorite Jeans has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: In my head
Posts: 1,787
10 yr Member
1,819 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 30, 2022 at 07:12 PM
 
Omg. I can really relate to struggling with compassion for my teenage self (and the teenage part). I read all the books and did all the things too. Just as you’re saying you have been. I made some breakthroughs in dreams, writing exercises and in the therapy hour itself but it never “felt” different.

What I reallllly wanted was for T to look after that part of me. I didn’t even realize the extent to which the adolescent part was furious with her. My casting her in a maternal role made me always wary of her, like I knew I could never get what I needed and I became nervous and jumpy around her. For her part, even though I was pretty open about what was happening for me, she was unable to harness the power of that transference and use it in a creative or corrective way.

So ultimately, it was very sad because I’d loved her and done great work with her, but we didn’t end on the best note. Nevertheless, terminating was really calming for the adolescent part. Like it wasn’t constantly triggered by her and all the growing and changing that my adult self had done while with her was freed up and available.

So suddenly compassion is pretty easy. My new T is very different and works in a different way and I kind of just gave her an overview of what I’d worked on for years and years.

And all the stuff that I’d worked and worked on just kind of integrated without much further effort in my year with new T. Another big part of the puzzle is that new T is very knowledgeable and experienced in ADHD and that has helped me understand myself and have compassion for all these aspects of myself that made less sense before. I had no idea how much ADHD effed me up (I just figured it was a character flaw or something.)

Anyway. To give you an idea, I spent 10 years with my first T. So sometimes this kind of stuff takes awhile. But it really is so much better now. I hope it will be soon for you too!
Favorite Jeans is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2