Thank you everyone for the kind words and advice. I really needed the help. I've been trying to reach out everywhere I can to get help through this difficult time. I have never in my life joined a forum and I am so glad I joined.
It truly helps to hear from someone who has gone through a very similar situation. You are correct though. As sad as I am of her decision, I seen the signs long ago. I could feel her pulling away from me and falling out of love with me. I remember even having thoughts of wanting to leave her. I could never get myself to do it. Instead I tried to be a better person. I tried to work on the marriage. I tried to get her to open up and talk to me about what she was going through. There were very few occasions where she truly opened up. The one time she did open up she told me that she felt like she shouldn't be with me and I should have someone else. Said I deserve someone else. Someone who would love and care for me like I need because she said she can not do those things for me. Said she has tried for a long time and can't. I should have left then and there. Instead I continued on. Trying to better myself and be more attentive to her but I think I was suffocating here. She didn't want more time with me. She was purposely pushing me away hoping I would leave but I never could. It hurts to see our marriage fail but I can truly tell myself I tried everything I could to make it work. When the news came out she wanted to leave, I tried to talk her into counseling but she said it wasn't going to help and she had already made up her mind. Now I just have to move on.
I did get a lawyer. We working on a dissolution. The house will end up being mine in the end because she doesn't want anything to do with it. She is trying to find a place to live but not much is available in the area where I'm from. It is very difficult to be patient and wait for her to leave but my hands are tied. Unless I change to a divorce and fight, all I can do is patiently wait for her to leave. Then true no contact can start and I can move on and make the best decisions for my own life.
Thank you again so much for the kind words and help. It is much appreciated.
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