I think you’ve got some very insightful replies Vivaldi, and I don’t have anything original to add but I did want to add my observation that it’s not uncommon to project in situations like these.

I have a need in me to protect, I’m seen by others as nurturing, but sometimes it actually causes me real upset if I hear others are being treated badly. I do think my own experience of bullying had a part to play in this.

For me it’s about boundaries, that’s being aware, that I might have this need to be needed, to protect, to fix, and where is that coming from.

If you can isolate that projection, be aware of it, acknowledging it, but not allowing it to go unchecked then you can utilise the insight into others suffering and be empathetic and caring- it can be a positive thing. I think you did a brave and compassionate thing allowing this woman to be part of the work project despite others objections.