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If you don’t do the surgery it sounds like you’ll constantly be in ER and getting blood transfusions. Sure surgery is scary buts when it’s over and done with you will heal and be able to move on with your life. Sounds like you are choosing to stay sick and go in and out of hospitals. That could be depression or low blood talking.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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