Hugs... Same thing for me. Except I self medicate - And my mom gets mad at me for it yet she drinks so much and would get into toxic relationships.

I'm not sure if it matters what you do - Whatever works.. But sometimes things just don't work - And you need to have hope. Because it's waves, trial and error.. You can't give up friend

What awaits... in this magical, beautiful life - Is like your best memories. Just moments.. They keep us happy. Some people don't make it, get into negative thought patterns... So therapy would help for sure. Or someone that cares. I care about you, everyone.. Often not myself though.