I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this. In my own way, I sort-of know what this is like. I think there is a sense in which dealing with the urge to self-harm can be like dealing with an addiction... one day at a time.

In my own case, I stopped only when I became so scared of the repercussions of what I was doing that my fear outweighed my urge. And even then, I relapsed a while back. Hopefully I've learned my lesson at this point. But you never know. One day at a time. Please take care...