I told my t today that my trauma is coming back a lot lately. Twice in a week now. Once about eating and once about how loud I am walking through the house. I’m not in crisis but I am in distress. People keep dying. Three friends in two months. All three were tragic. My complex trauma as he calls it is severe and I’ve lived in terror most my life. It really affecting me lately. I don’t have time to Be a mess. I still feel if I told someone about the abuse from my stepmother I’d not be sick. T says to blame her and not myself. Says it’s all her fault and she’s evil for the things she did to us.

My mind is swirling. It won’t slow down and I simply don’t have time to be unstable.