Hello everyone! I am so touched that you have all been thinking of me.

I did indeed go IP on the 18th. NOT by choice, I was committed. I was calling RS from the ER often, telling him I feel like they’ve trapped me (at the psych ER). I kept going between wanting the door shut to keep everyone out or having it open so they couldn’t lock me in.

When the came to transport me to an IP unit I accused them of tricking me. I had to weigh which would be worse, going quietly or being given a shot because I was going whether I wanted to or not. I chose option A, I knew where they were sending me and how to get there I so would know immediately if they were indeed tricking me.

Anyway I spent about a week terrified, completely convinced they were all talking about me and making a plan to attack me. I got a new roommate and got it in my head that I had to self harm to show them I’m not scared of pain so they can all back off. Well that is hard (but not impossible) to achieve in IP.

Anyway now I’m on a bunch of meds including haldol and cogentin. I am going to turn my attention to taking control of my anxiety as that is what led to a complete loss of reality. I’ve never really got into mindfulness but I think that’s the best to go with because all my anxiety is focused toward what COULD happen in the future so I want to learn how to practice staying in the present. I do know a lot of grounding skills.

Again that you all so much for thanking of me during this difficult episode.