I realize I havent exactly introduced myself on the newcomer thread but this could be the best place to put this. I was reading about the utter hell youve been going through and it seemed quite familiar. My wife was diagnosed with BPD in 2007. And like the idiot alpha male i am, I never actually looked it up. We have two kids but my daughter was only 7 when this started. My wife had always had depression and physical problems but about the time she entered her 40's she kicked it up a notch. Rage, constant rage. And even when she was quiet, we knew it was coming. Eggshells, all the time. My son began having anxiety attacks. And we were always to blame. Mostly me but she liked to spread it around. There was plenty for everyone. It was a 24/7 cycle of self-pity, anger, and blaming. At first we hoped she would return to her normal miserable that we were used to and we threw ourselves into making her better. Mostly me since I seemed to be the focus of her loathing, and i attempted to spare the kids. But it was useless. The endless degrading and contempt. The non-stop anger and guilt trips and delusional made up crap that she knew was a lie but i would have to defend myself against. ....We were exhausted. And every trip to the hospital she became a new person. Miraculously.... And we would get blamed again. So I left for awhile hoping that maybe that would diffuse her. Nope. My daughter joined me soon after and a couple months later it got so bad for my son he joined the military. Now, keep in mind my wife isnt even 5 foot 100 pounds, but the relentless terror that came next was unfathomable. Thousands and thousands of texts, phone calls, suicide threats, she even was writing my son letters while he was in basic training telling him he wasnt her son anymore....Its a strange thing when you pray with your little one at night with everything you got that the woman youve been madly in love with for 28 years, your life long soulmate, will find another man and leave us alone. And then starts the other pain because within a month she had walked away from us like we never existed. Her utter lack of empathy was bewildering. Its been a year now since we split and until a week ago I was still so extremely confused, until I saw a video on Youtube about BPD and another about vulnerable narcissism. I was floored. In that moment I realized that my entire life with her had been a lie. I was with a stranger for 28 years. And as the days go by i remember more things and more things, some going back to the 90s. She knew what she was doing all along. And at least I had an answer. Definitely not what I wanted but it was something. And as for her she has been doing the honeymoon phase thing with him and saves the fury for the three of us....still. One last thing though, sometimes there is a little justice. This last Sunday started her normally timed attack in the guise of asking about our daughter and I used the tactics they suggested by simple monotone answers. She went on a four hour tirade ending in the most vile stuff imaginable, followed with something about a rifle. What she did not know and still doesnt know, is I was working at her fathers house, with her family there, listening to all of it on speakerphone. HEHE Day by day i guess. Hang in there ArmorPlate. ....by the way she may still do her attacks but the three of us arent living in fear. (except maybe when i step outside sometimes at night)