gpcook, there is nothing wrong with you! You have an addiction...and a lot of family issues to deal with. That does not mean you are broken or something. I also started using drugs at a very young age--my first time in rehab happened when I was 15.

Posting here and admitting what you are going though is an important and huge step to getting better. I will warn you though--once you start down the road to rehab, it ruins your using. For me, once I started really looking at my drug use, every time I used I would be consumed by guilt. It sounds like you know the drugs are screwing up your life. What I had to do is get to the point where I was willing to do something about it. It took years and 4 trips to rehab, but I have not had coke in 7 years and have not had a drink in 2 and 1/2 years. Life is so much better clean and sober.

I can really relate to the struggles with Dexedrine. I take it because it slows down my thoughts--without it I am an anxious mess. But, I have to follow the docs directions and take it like I am suppose to. It is tempting to abuse it. I find, that as long as I take the dexedrine like I am suppose to, my desire to use other drugs drops considerably. Maybe you should look into being treated for ADHD...if you truly are ADHD or ADD. There are other meds out there that are not as addictive as Dexedrine and help with ADHD. Being treated for all your mental health issues is an important part of getting and staying clean.

Don't be too harsh on yourself about lying and such. For one, you were a kid and it sounds like you had a lot of family issues you were trying to live through--you were doing what you had to do to survive in a not so good environment. That and addiction makes us do things we would not normally do. I am sorry you have had to go through all that as a kid.

So, I guess what you need to decide now is if you are ready to do something about your drug use....have you had enough of the %#@&#!? Getting clean is not easy, but it is so worth it. I hope you decide to get clean...life is a beautiful thing...life can feel good.

Again, there is nothing wrong with you....