Dear Comrade, I think it is totally understandable that it hurts all the time. What your T did was unfathomable, and yet it happened. It was so cruel. And yes, someone else said betrayal. I think that is a good word. Betrayal.

I hope you will find your path forward, either with a different therapist or some other modality. I imagine it will take time. But know that you did not do anything wrong. You are not to blame. You are innocent in this. This is on her. This was her action. And yet, you are stuck dealing with it. Talk about it here as much as you want. It helps to not be alone with things sometimes.

HUGS if wanted, Kit