Yes! I can totally relate to this. And it's like a ghost haunting you. It's not fair that other people still get to see her. It's not fair that her life gets to go on. Grieving someone who isn't dead is extremely difficult because there is no closure. And it's extremely confusing to the mind. (At least that's how I experienced it.)

All your feelings are valid. Your experience is real. What happened was not right or okay.