I am so sorry that you are going through this. Grief over the sudden ending of a therapy relationship is very similar to bereavement. It's another kind of loss after all.

"One of the things I am finding difficult about working with someone else is knowing what I want. Overwhelming, I want them to be her and to know me like she did, for us to be as connected as I was with her and her with me. Ridiculous and impossible."

Yes, exactly this ^^^. There is nothing so gut wrenching as desperately wanting a new T to be just like the old one. Feeling that same connection, wanting to hear the same tone of voice, the same phrases. But it never is the same, and that takes a hell of a lot of getting used to.

Endings with no proper closure can be traumatic, and hard to deal with on top of whatever it was that took you into therapy in the first place.

Time will heal, eventually..... but it's whether you can live with feeling how you're feeling in the interim. If the not knowing is just going to drive you berserk, then maybe you need to make contact and ask for an explanation, a closure session, whatever you feel would help (you might not get it of course, but at least you will have tried). If you think you can live with not knowing why, then let it lie and try not to let it consume you. Only you know how bad its making you feel and what would be the best course of action for you.

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