Dear K,

I opened my sketchbook dares book again and actually managed to sit down and start one, after two years of not doing it. Draw a scene from memory of a smell that you remember. I tried to think of one back then, but couldn't. My memory of the past is so bad, I barely remember going away on holidays, let alone smells, but now I had one. A memory of us in your room and the little jar of different flowers you used to have. Lemon verbena. Lavender. Sweet peas. Always seemed to be something new for my senses to be drawn to. You were very holistic, and taught me a lot. An awful lot. Those scents and sights became a focal point for me, especially on days where I just could not find any words at all. Just to sit there side by side with you and touch and smell those plants was very healing for me.

That memory, in the room, with you, is etched into me and I hope it never leaves me. I don't think it will. Whilst drawing it I decided to look back on our text exchanges over the last 8 months, and doing so really warmed my heart. Soothed me. Whilst sometimes it feels like you are just appeasing me, I can see from those messages a different story, and I am grateful. I wish you would initiate more, like you did a few times in the beginning, but maybe that will come again in time.

For now though, knowing you are 'just over there', even if you are out of reach in so many ways, helps me feel..... A little more settled.