I have to respond to this. Frankly, his ADHD or potential bipolar disorder have little to nothing to do with his abuse towards you. Mental health issues like ADHD and bipolar are NOT the cause of abusive behaviors. Yes, frequently abusers also have mental health issues or even personality disorders. And for some, like malignant narcissists, abuse DOES go hand in hand with that particular personality disorder.

Your husband is plain and downright an ABUSER. Sure, his ADHD or bipolar disorder may contribute to disordered thinking, yet he is in black and white, abusive. Abuse is DELIBERATE. That's why he can be so charming to your family and hide the abuse behind closed doors, as they all do.

GOOD RIDDANCE. Let the divorce proceed. And I am very sorry for all the pain and anguish you have experienced. It takes a long time to get past, but you CAN get past it. Love does not have to equate to abuse.