I feel like I am in danger, not paranoia or something like that. It is more about a combination of tiredness, depression, grief over deteriorating health and the feeling of hopelessness.

When I feel so down as I do now, I usually can be helped by making strict schedules and stick to them. May be that seems strange, but you see it is so that my meds are working OK (they make me stable and lower my depression). There is no other "medication" for being worn out than peace and quietness to help me "to hold myself together and stick to the plan".

This morning I got a phone-call in the middle of my breakfast and that little unplanned happening was enough to push me out of my planning for today. (It was nothing bad in the phone-call. It only shows how fragile I am and how much I need quietness around myself to not loose track and tip over).

I will start anew tomorrow. Since I need so much concentration and ability to focus on improving my health, I will not come into the forums if things goes well. If I feel that I cannot handle it, you will see me here.

I am so scared because I am alone with this! I will pray before I go to bed!

Send my best wishes for everybody's health!