Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
She wrote me. In the first paragraph she says:
Our relationship exists in the context of our roles as therapist and client. AND that context keeps the space safe and predictable enough for us to have a genuine relationship authentically, person-to-person. AND it’s still okay and real to grieve the not-enough pain, that often hits so hard with things like vacations or weekends or end of sessions.
WTH does our roles have to do with her vacations? Why make a point that I'm the client and she's the therapist. I get that she deserves vacations. But does she mean vacations away from me? Like I'm a burden? Because I'm her job?
I know I can talk to her, but I don't want to. I need her to take my pain seriously, not to make excuses. She's going to have her vacations no matter what I do or how I feel. She is not predictable in her vacations except she takes off a week every month because there's so many federal holidays.
I just hurt. And I don't feel like she gets it.
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Not knowing the full content that she was responding to, I cannot say why she is defining the relationship of therapist/client but she is responding in DBT terms. She is not trying to justify her vacation time but she is checking/listing the facts and validating your pain and discomfort by pointing out the dialectic.
The facts are:
1. The relationship exists because she is the therapist and you are the client. AND
2. The client/therapist relationship creates a safe and predictable space for you to have an authentic/genuine person-to-person relationship (I read this as if it were not for the client/therapist relationship, then then two of you would not have a person-to-person relationship.
AND
3. It is okay for you to feel like she is not giving you enough, that the pain you feel when she is out of office is real.
All three of those things facts and are true at the same time. As a therapist she is going to continue to be there for you within the limit of the relationship AND she is going to continue to do what she needs to do for herself personally, outside of the office to maintain a healthy, happy life. If she did not work on herself, ie..not take the time off to recharge, maintain a healthy relationship with her....then she "may" start to think of her clients as a burden. (Not you in particular but any/all of her clients. She sounds like she puts a lot of effort into being there for you, allowing many texts, emails, and phone calls out of session, free of charge. How many other clients does she do this for? I can only imagine that would become overwhelming and very time consuming for anyone. Regardless of he answers to this last part, she is doing what she has to do to take care of herself. In a way, she is showing by example what you should be doing as well to take care of yourself.
While it is painful for you AND you want to be her only client AND have her undivided attention, I'm sure you also know that the last two are not possible. As a result, it is the client's job to find ways to take care of their own needs; of which, one of those ways is to attend therapy.
What suggestions does she have to help you help yourself at these times? I commend you on taking the self-constraint to not talk to her when you know your words will not be productive. I am also glad to know that she sees you virtually during national holiday weeks.