I could use reassurances from her. AND throwing this tantrum feels appropriate for now. I guess it's me having my own boundaries saying it's too much for me.

Yes! I, too, adore L. For all her multitudes. And part of me knows this will work out somehow, I can survive this. Well, I have to.

L says I have an underground lake full of trauma and pain. And there are deep tunnels leading to that lake. In order to heal, we have to go down those tunnels (aka tunnel work). It's not fun when we hit on something, AND it usually winds up being very cathartic.