Vans. I can't go anywhere without seeing vans. They are worse if there is an older man driving them, a big man with grey hair and a leering look. Everytime it brings back a memory, sometimes the same one, sometimes a new one ........

Child abuse adverts on the tv .... NSPCC. Always on between programmes, seeing a small child in pain, a small girl crying and alone because of what someone did to her.

Swimming baths ..... don't go very often, i have to avoid older men with rey hair ..... just in case .......

people making me jump, loud noises, don't know why this makes my stomach drop ...... shouting and arguing between others, i want to hide. Anxiety grips me if people are shouting at me and calling me bad names .....

Paedophiles faces in the papers, could it be him? Sometimes i just cant look ...

The police showed my so called mother a picture of a sex attacker in London who had been caught. His name was the same name as my abuser/her lover. She said it wasn't him ..... was she lying because she knew she would be in trouble too? Did she protect him instead of me? The police refused to show ME the picture!!

Today I am triggered over dreams again. They seem so real .....

they are such wierd dreams .... and they affect me for the whol day.

Just needed to vent .... Jinnyann