Just wanted to share a little more about my recent manic episode, which was unlike any i've had before.

I was not able to recognize myself!

I was so strong, assertive and loving. I didn't let people push me around. I didn't back down when people challenged me. I allowed myself to not be nice if the situation called for it and i was untroubled about my momentary ferocity. I let F-bombs fly and that is just unheard of for me!

I had many guests to my home, which is also highly unusual. I enjoyed the visits and when i tired of the people i was able to wind up the visit with grace. I felt such a warm love and compassion for others! I felt this warmth and light glowing in my chest!

I interacted with people with such ease, authenticity and authority. I was quick-witted and laughter was never far away. I've never laughed soooooooooo much! I was the leader in groups when appropriate and enjoyed that. I'm a Leo and have always felt my sign was wrong but apparently not.

Now, in unpacking and reflecting on the episode, i feel i was finally getting back to the person i was meant to be, before my marriage and divorce nearly destroyed me 26 years ago. I hope to see more of that person. I guess i'll have mixed-mood for a couple months now, so i'll still have flashes of that person before i descend into depression for good, for the Winter.

But i'm so pleased to have been more of the person i was meant to be, at long last. I think it may well be because it's my first full calendar year in menopause. A wise man told me in 1998 that i would probably not be happy until i was thru my child-bearing years as i was "fighting my biology." I think he was right!

I feel hope for the future tho, that with each cycle of mood i will get more and more of myself back. I haven't felt that good EVER, tho my Summer in Europe when i turned 21 and had a best friend who was loving, affectionate and in awe of me came close. I was the leader then too.

So odd to be getting to know myself at 55!

@Soupe du jour:

So cool that you are going to be a Bohemian! The urban dictionary defines "bohemian" as someone who is socially unconventional, especially one who is artistic. And you are a culinary artist and have the heart of a lion!