I didn't wish death for my abuser.A simple death will be a non consequential liberation for her.I wished her to be disabled and to depend on me.I wanted to do my business in her potty mouth.Yep,the potty mouth it is.It did nothing but spill **** all the time.I wanted to put it back in her mouth while she lays helpless in a literal sense. ( a justice for what she did to her helpless, naive innocent child).Wouldn't it be ?

After wishing and imagining the scenario of doing potty in her mouth, I felt disgusted at myself.For having those kinds of thoughts about my abuser I resented myself.The guilt was immense. Now I don't have these thoughts of revenge anymore.I didn't forgive or forget,but don't feel immense resentment towards her either.