My brother and SIL are having another baby due in March. I’m very happy for them but I found out through social media and not by personal text message. My brother said he didn’t know I was home, which is fair I guess because I have been trying to recover and I had just left on Tuesday. I didn’t tell anyone I was home, I relied on RS for that. At the same time, though, I am saddened that this is where our relationship has landed. We used to be quite close. I mean, after we both grew up a bit.

While I’m happy and excited for them, I know In my heart that I will not see this new child very often at all. I haven’t seen my niece (and by extent my brother and SIL) for many months, not for lack of trying on my part. They live literally ten minutes away and yet they are always too busy to see us, and when they schedule they cancel more often than not. So i just accept it now. I used to be really angry but honestly it’s not worth my anger. It’s not going to change anything and it’s only hurting me. So I’m content to just settle on sad for awhile.

I have to demand to be discharged from my IOP next week. I’ve been there long enough that I don’t recognize 75% of the people that are coming, and we’re going over the exact same material. I have to leave soon because I have to get back in to my pdoc’s office and that requires yet another “intake” (so unnecessary at this point) and I believe those are only done during the day. Obviously I can’t take a day off when I’m just starting my new job. They certainly wouldn’t appreciate that. I have a 90 trial period and I’m going to really, really try not to take any days. I’m not very good with attendance at all my jobs honestly. But I need this to work because if it doesn’t I’ll have to settle with a part time job and I’m just not ready to admit I can’t work full time anymore. It’s coming up soon for me I’m sure but I’m hoping with all the skills I’ve learned I’ll be able to make it a couple more years.

We have a “pig roast” to go to on Saturday and I’ve already told RS that if I have to watch a whole pig be roasted there is no way I’ll be able to eat it! Thankfully there will be many other dishes to choose from. It’s a large party with many people I don’t know and they’ll all be drinking. So we are probably only going to stay long enough to eat and let CR play on the slip n slide for awhile.