Fella, we are more or less in the same group for bad or good! I like to think that for good! 😀

First of all, and I say to you this with capital, underline letters that everybody is made to have friends. And you, of course. Beginning with the fact that you have already your best friend, your husband.

What about going first to check with a professional about you possibly being in the autism spectrum? Information is very helpful and much more if it has to do with knowledge about yourself.

Then, a psychologist can help you a lot to learn tools or techniques to deal with this negative thoughts, your unease when you don’t see a rapid respond from a friend you are very concerned with, etc, besides knowing why your fears increase as to deeper relations.
Is it because you are afraid of fail them, because you are afraid of commitment due to how much energy you have to put into social contact? Luck of trust for learning patterns, etc. These questions are not for you to answer me. 😀 They are examples of things you may consider important to treat with a psychologist.

(S)he also can help you to follow a path to repair your self-confidence and self-esteem. As you know as well as me, this is key.
Believe that you can get this last I pointed you out. I got it and I thought a damage self-esteem was impossible to repaired.

Let us know how you are going.