I got levodopa at the healthfood store

Common and Rare Side Effects for L-Dopa oral

The side effects are so bad that I might take it back.

I have a chair that arrived so I assembled it, moved my bed and stuff around. Now I'm sitting here, paranoid about people seeing through my window.

I smoked weed 3 times yesterday and I cried with my mom - Although I wasn't sure if I should cry, laugh or get angry/apathetic or anxious. She said "See it's the weed" - But this isn't the first time this happened. I wasn't able to make eye contact and was wringing my hands, shaking. I took clonazepam, woke up still feeling agitated.

I think about what happened in isolation/the basement and I feel like it DEFINES me. It probably does. I can't shake the feeling and I can't stop thinking about this regret so much that I want to kms - And I told her. She seriously asked me if I needed to get help (Go to the psych ward) and I said NO. All of the healthcare workers are exhausted and psychiatrists are assholes. They'd take away the stimulant (As usual), give it back and change meds etc, put me on an SSRI. Lord help me.

But this morning I felt better, took the Vyvanse (Which I skipped yesterday - Felt a lack of dopamine-weirdness/pain). I took phenibut. Slight self medicating will work for now.

I'm stunned by everything moved around - All of my interests that I procrastinate... the video chat people/sociopath soldiers and what they said. My self-esteem is at a complete low.