Saw my doctor today. He understands what I mean when I tried to explain about why I wanted to see a gynaecologist instead of him for a pap.

While I was there he asked how I was feeling and I explained that I had a couple days where I was almost hypomanic and then I calmed down and while I’m trying to get into exercising I’m feeling this lack of motivation in anything having to do with taking care of myself. Exercise, showering, brushing my teeth. I’m trying and it’s hard sometimes.

He doesn’t want to put me on any SSRI or anything because he thinks I’m driving a fine line with my meds. He’s worried I could easily go up in my mood if I’m on an SSRI. Which I understand. I just had a random bout of almost hypomania and that wasn’t even with anything extra.

So I have gastro doctor tomorrow, then CT scan at the end of the month (and I have to get blood tests a week before), then allergist at the beginning of September. I see another doctor about my CT results a couple weeks after my CT scan. And then that takes us to mid September and I’ll probably see my doctor again then.

He made mention again that he’s a little worried about my blood pressure. It’s a little high. Combined with me being overweight and fatty liver he’s considering suggesting I go on ozempic to help me lose weight.

I’m trying my best but I might do it if my insurance covers it. If it can help long lasting weight loss that would be great. When I’m mentally in a bad place my eating disorder kicks in and I can lose a lot of weight easily and workout like crazy to lose weight. But I’m mentally somewhat normal so I don’t seem to know how to lose weight in a long lasting safe way.

It’s annoying. I’ve always struggled with my weight ever since I was a teenager. Before the pandemic I was in a good place and was going to the gym and also swimming. Then it was all at home crazy and I gained a lot of weight. Doesn’t help the medication as well.

I wish I had motivation and I wish I felt safe enough in the world to go to the gym. I really enjoyed going to the gym when I did go before.

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