A couple days ago he reached out with an emotional message. I’m not sure what it was about. Said he loved me as a wife up until the day he drove me off and now loves me as a great friend and the mom of his kids. Was calling me a micromanager the day before It made me cry at work. Probably because he said he stopped loving me like a wife when he drove me off. That felt weird.

I needed to follow up with him about sending money since so far it’s less than what he said and came a week or so after he said he’d send it. I texted him and waited for a sassy response. He said yes he’d send money but made a comment about this is what’s it’s like to just be a paycheck. Said he was wrong all those years before when he thought he was just a paycheck. I guess he’s trying to say at least back then he had a family in return and now he feels the difference. He said it’s on him and he’s just expressing his thoughts and feelings.

Im juggling so many balls and working my butt off to do everything, so him giving static about reimbursing me or paying half of a couple active debts while Im responsible for everything else made me angry enough my face got hot. I think he is bummed the kids aren’t responding to him, so that’s why he said it.

My daughter is having nightmares he’ll return to he house, and was worried I would take him back. She was angry with me today that I stayed with him the last couple years or so.

I’m swamped at work.

So much pressure.

I almost had a panic attack today after kid was mad at me and she went upstairs. Was talking to myself even. Was saying to myself I’m never good enough. I’m no one. It’s always me who’s bad.

Things turned out fine with her. I understand how everyone feels.

I’m quite depleted.